Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
