I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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