I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize