Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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