i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
