His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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