remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
