I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we're making bets on your personal life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
