WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
