i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This house was built for laser tag.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
