remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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