ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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