I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
