Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
