He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
