i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize