im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
