Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
