Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
