i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
