girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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