i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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