Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
