i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize