I think my vagina is haunted
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
