just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
