:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
