Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she pinky promised me she was 18
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
