thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
