We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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