If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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