Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
