There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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