I must be too annoying 4 u.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
