That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need moral support for this bender
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
