remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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