pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
