i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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