I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
