well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
