I need help removing her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
