Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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