Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
