Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
