Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
