Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
