Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
