So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
