hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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