he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
