i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
