Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
