I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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