His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When are your genitals available?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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