I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
