so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
