My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
