I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
