Do you still have your period?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
