I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize