so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
