Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
