first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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