Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
