call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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