I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize