almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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