So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
